Steve Jobs saves the world

Even if you just got back from outer space, you know that North Korea has blown up part of its main nuclear-bomb facility and is making plans to join the civilised world. You know that Pyongyang’s bomb-making days are probably over. You know this is a Pretty Good Thing.

But you probably do not know how Apple Computer and the sensational Steve “President For Life” Jobs made this possible.

First, you have to know that the Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il is a secret fan of western stuff like music, pizza and pornography. Sources tell the IIS that Kim recently bought an iPod, and his handlers downloaded a copy of iTunes for him to install on his PC. Up popped the End User Licence Agreement (EULA). Unlike everyone else in the world, the crafty, suspicious Kim actually read it.

And that is why he decided to give up his nuclear weapons and his nuclear facilities. Here is the rest of the story.

The agreement you make when you install iTunes is written in upper and lower case like this article and most literate English. It reverts to USING ALL CAPITAL LETTERS when it has SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT to say. Everyone who uses computers for very long, and everyone who participates in Internet forums, knows that using all-capital letters means YOU ARE SHOUTING.

So what does Apple do? It lulls you about “music files for listening” and “but Apple and/or Apple’s licensor(s) retain ownership of the Apple Software” and “You may make one copy of the Apple Software in machine-readable form for backup purposes” and a bunch of other guff Apple has no intention of ever enforcing. 

But when it comes to nuclear stuff, Apple makes you pay attention, screaming at the top of its voice:

THE APPLE SOFTWARE IS NOT INTENDED FOR USE IN THE OPERATION OF NUCLEAR FACILITIES, AIRCRAFT NAVIGATION OR COMMUNICATION SYSTEMS, AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL SYSTEMS, LIFE SUPPORT MACHINES OR OTHER EQUIPMENT IN WHICH THE FAILURE OF THE APPLE SOFTWARE COULD LEAD TO DEATH, PERSONAL INJURY, OR SEVERE PHYSICAL OR ENVIRONMENTAL DAMAGE.

Well, you have to admit that operating nuclear facilities could cClick to see full sizeause a death or two if handled improperly. And Apple also warns:

You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of nuclear weapons, missiles, or chemical or biological weapons.

So that is why Kim Jong-Il folded. He wanted an iPod, and the only way he could get it was to agree not to produce nuclear or other weapons of mass destruction with it. Faced with the stark choice of owning nuclear weapons or owning a music player jukebox by Steve Jobs, the Dear Leader took Apple.

And that’s why we have to thank Steve Jobs for saving the world.

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